Darkness

So here I am, dishing out my usual introspective bullshit.
This semester was both one I would like to forget, and to remember, and the fact that I have mustered the motivation to even type this out is an achievement in itself.

It may not come as a surprise to anyone at this point that last semester dragged me down into the darkness that is feared almost above all else, and the sheer feeling of hopelessness that accompanies it is like a blister than never heals.

Here I am, staring at the stars, wishing for that one which would be that light at the end of the tunnel, a hope that I'd find hope at all. The sky is awash with stars tonight, none destined for me, for my nights are eclipsed in my deep, dark slumber.

I've reached a point wherein merely thanking those tiny flickers of light that stayed with me through the sem is pointless, because I owe them more than I can repay.

As far as events were this semester, I involved myself in my usual whirlwind of theatre and Improv, even having the opportunity to watch Beauty and the Beast live in MBS, thanks to the thoughtfulness of my amazing friends who bought the ticket as a birthday present. Which reminds me, I am 21 and overwhelmed by life already.

Anyway, looking forward, I see a summer of recovery, and I hope I'll come out of it unscathed and ready to go.

Also this is my final post on this blog. I have written a lot and achieved a lot from this website, and my musings have been self - motivating to say the least. But one must move on. Hakuna Matata.

If you've liked my work so far and want to see more of me, follow the link to my new blog: Saving Miss Bhanks. 

Goodbye, and love you.

Reflection. - 30th November 2014

I need to sit and introspect. It is sorely needed, I'm afraid. Last semester sort of questioned a lot of things I thought I understood about myself, the things I took for granted. So I've decided to write a bunch of self-reflective essays to pass the time, which serve to achieve a lot of things I needed to do these holidays, thanks to a really good friend who gave me these ideas yesterday as we sat chatting over coffee. Her university held a self-reflective workshop and the concept intrigued me.. might be posting a few exercises soon!

As far as last semester was concerned, it was.. decent. I learnt a lot, jumped a few hurdles and climbed a few mountains. After a year of persevering, I finally got the opportunity to perform a few improv shows. That weekend was definitely the most memorable of all my semesters here at NUS.. and it didnt even take place in NUS!

PC- The Improv  Company

I also made a new group of old friends. That may sound contradicting but it's true.

I gave A LOT OF ADVICE. My advice wasn't as heeded as I would have preferred, but it helped me grow as a person, despite the fact that seldom follow the advice I dish out.

T'was a good sem, and I'm glad I got through it.

Thats all I have to say.

More posts coming up! Sorry for the inactivity, Ive finally got some free time now. HOLIDAYS FTW. 

Monsters

I'm friends with the monsters inside my head.
This lyric from Rihanna and Eminem's "Monster" is something that really hits home.
70% of my waking hours are spent thinking about death. Not my death perse, just death. The finality of it all and the pointlessness of the living. I don't want to die, but at this point I won't mind if a car runs me over.
I want to sleep. For a really long time. I suppose I am just tired. Mentally as well as physically. Unfortunately I can't change this. So I guess I just live with this.
I am fine. Just need a change I guess.
Don't worry.
Calm.

I'm friends with the monster inside my head. 

An Open Letter

My dear friends.

There comes a time in life when you feel like your whole world is coming crashing down around you. The earth stops spinning, the rivers stop flowing, and all the air in your lungs remain stagnant. When it feels like the world has deserted you, do not fret, my friends. It is not as bad as it seems. To have known love as you did and to have flourished in a time where love is scorned upon is truly a beautiful thing. Yes, things did not happen as you envisioned; you did not celebrate anniversaries, did not hear wedding bells or grow old together. But you had the courage to imagine it. Do not lose that courage my friends.
Though I seem hard as stone and as cynical of "love" as a grumpy spinster teetering on the edge of insanity, its only because I do not understand. I may have felt those feelings before but I have never experienced the pure joy of having loved and having been loved in return. But know this, the end of romantic love is not the end of life. It is only a small part, an insignificant speck in the vastness and potential of your lives ahead of you. Though you now feel angry, frustrated and morose, know that tomorrow the sun will break through the clouds and you will see the rainbow again. Who knows, you might see it again in a flash of nostalgia that brings back old feelings, and its not a bad thing!
There are several kinds of love in this world. Agape, Eros, Philia and Storge.  Unconditional mental love, physical passionate love, the love between friends, and the love of your family. These feelings are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and one does not take precedence over the other. This is the only advice I give you, keep your love close. Any kind, it dosent matter which. For at the end of the day it is this love that keeps the world sane. I may not be making much sense (it's probably because I am sleepy) but please bear with me for a few more minutes.

The fact that you were unafraid of loving unconditionally, purely and clearly, shows the steadiness of your beating heart. Don't be afraid to experience those feelings again my friends, because the ache you feel right now shows that there is room in your heart to love some more. God knows, your sadness is making mine ache, too.

If you feel hopeless, know that you are loved, my friends. You are always loved. That is the beauty of this world you see, because everyone is always loved by someone or other at a given point of time.
Like now, I love you my friends, please don't forget that, ever.
Your friend forever,
B 

Oh Captain, My Captain.

"No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."


These words were said by Robin Williams' character (John Keating, creating an unrealistic image for English teachers everywhere) in Dead Poet's Society. And boy, did he believe it. 

The news of his sudden death has gutted me to the core. I had always assumed that someone with such a vibrant personality, one who brought so much joy and laughter into this world to adults and kids alike would live forever. It seems such a cruel sort of irony that he should take his own life in a fit of depression. 

I've watched his movies as far back as I remember. He was such an integral part of my childhood that I find it hard to believe that people have seen so few of his movies. The first of his movies I remember watching is Flubber. His portrayal of an absent-minded professor was hilarious and perfect. And who can forget Mrs.Doubtfire, remade into so many movies by the Indian film industry. Another movie people tend to forget is Patch Adams, the original father of the Munnabhai MBBS series. 

As a child, watching Aladdin, I had always maintained that the Genie was my all-time favourite Disney character. It was only later that I found out this quirky ball of energy was voiced by Robin Williams himself. It is said that Disney was left with over 16 hours of improvised material, most of it inappropriate for children. 

Which brings me to why he was truly my hero. His comedic talent and love of accents inspired a little girl in the suburbs of an unknown Middle Eastern country to try her own voice out. His razor sharp wit and quick comebacks made her want to strive to bring people laughter and happiness too. He was more than just an actor, he was an inspiration. He also features in my favorite episode of Whose Line is it Anyway?. 

One might ask how such a wondrous, happy and hilarious personality was left crumbling with depression in his life. This is where I get truly serious.

I have always believed that India in particular has been sorely ignorant (or just reluctant to discuss, like so many other topics we won't mention) on the subject of mental illnesses. 
"Why are you depressed? Snap out of it! Aren't you happy that your family is alive and well? That you have a job? It's just a phase it will go." 

Repeat after me:
THERE IS NO SOLID CAUSE FOR DEPRESSION.
Again.
ANYBODY, AND I MEAN ANYBODY CAN GET DEPRESSION.
Again.
IT CAN TAKE YEARS TO COME OUT OF DEPRESSION.
Again.
IT IS LIFE THREATENING.

If you know someone going through this, get your awkward narrow-minded ass out of your chair and HELP THEM.  Robin Williams proved that anyone can go through this terrible thing and it is something not to be taken lightly. How many more people need to die before you can see this? 

As for Rockin' Robin, Oh Captain, My Captain, My hero and comedic role model, you will be missed. All around the world, everywhere.
Genie, you're free. 

A (Large) Note on South Indian Weddings

The previous weekend involved me attending a wedding in Chennai and coming out of it more or less unscathed. Thankfully this wedding did not bleed an array of different colours and at no time did I feel threatened or did "Rains of Castamere" play, so I heave a large sigh of relief.
One does wonder what kind of rituals require a wedding to extend over  period of five days when most of the other cultures finish it in two. It begins with an "engagement" of sorts, although the couple have more or less been engaged for six months or so, leads into a main wedding day with the actual process of being "wed" followed by a reception in the evening. The next day is also fraught with rituals one never understands because no one ever had the habit of questioning anything in their youth.

1.Entertainment through observation (and a failed proposal) 
Since I had mostly no company the whole time, my day was spent either reading, or watching people; the old women sitting in circles and gossiping about one family member or another, old men discussing the latest sports news (it's not a stereotype, I was listening) , young kids running around screaming and knocking over chairs and making you want to drown them in the sambhar, and youngish girls checking out youngish guys, hoping they aren't too closely related by blood. (I am guilty of this :P having oggled a guy I thought was about my age before finding out he was 28 and in want of a wife o.o)
Funny Story: The mum of the same dude I was checking out realised that my mum is very beautiful; in a desperate hope that her daughter looked like her (sorry to disappoint you, woman -.-) asked my grandmother to marry me to her son; then having actually seen me in person, decided I was a child (having  glanced at my face and chest, no doubt, assuming I was about 13 years old) and profusely apologized for the confusion.
Note to Readers: For those of you not from the Southern regions of India, I should inform you that arranged marriages are still very much rampant. And family weddings are the perfect spot for old ladies with children of marriageable age to prowl; waiting to pounce on some poor unsuspecting bachelor with talons holding out wedding proposals. Which probably explains my growing social anxiety for family gatherings.

2.The Process of Eating.
The process of providing the food is large ordeal; not only for the hosts, but frankly for the guests as well. Don't get me wrong, the food is beyond amazing, and usually the prime incentive for most of the guests' attendance. Except that the food comes in a specific order on a banana leaf which leaves no friction for the eater to consume his food in any normal manner; specially since the sweet payasam (kheer) is served first directly on the leaf and the first five minutes consists of everyone trying to somehow lick it off their fingers. If not successfully cleaned, the sweet eventually runs into all the subsequent courses and generally creates a huge mess. Then there's your fellow eaters (?); generally consisting of charming sights like large dark males licking their entire hand as curd runs down their fingertips; also large dark females making large slurping noises as they throw rice into their mouths.
If this wasn't distracting enough, the videographers ambush you with their large cameras with glaring lights; leaving you stranded like a deer in the headlights with food hovering halfway to your mouth; whilst the servers keep piling more onto your leaf. For there is one fact never disputed; There is absolutely NO METHOD to eat South Indian food glamorously.

3.Ritualistic Torment
Feeling terribly sorry for the actual couple itself was something I was constantly doing for those three days. Donned in the heaviest of silks and flowery garlands that generally weigh a ton, they are forced to sit for hours in front of a flame which constantly blows smoke in their eyes. When the knot is finally tied (We South Indians love to take things literally; in this case a necklace called a thaali is tied around the bride by the groom) they zoom into the terrified faces of the happy couple and you just know they are thinking about the subsequent consummation (as are the entire freakin auditorium). The reception is the time to put the couples on display; hours of meeting, greeting and photographing as the couple get more and more exhausted and its written so clearly on their faces that they regret inviting so many. The next morning has rituals as well; the couple show up at the temple again, and whoever is there needs to dissolve sprouts in a bucket; symbolizing fertility and germination and the prospect of a growing family (yay more people to invite in the future). Not to mention the fact that these rituals happen at ungodly hours, prompting a wake up call at 4 am.

Overall I had a lot of fun. Fairly obvious. This blog post is merely an expression for my disdain for the pointless rituals that concern Indian weddings, rather than this particular wedding itself. Also a proof that I am still alive.

Valar Morghulis.

Wanderlust

Wanderlust (n).- A strong desire to travel the world.
Have you ever felt that urge? The strong almost physically painful desire to explore, to experience the infinite world. To wake up in a different city everyday; to eat different food and speak different tongues.

I sometimes envy people who seem content; they are so happy staying put in the place where they were born; happy to settle and live. The reason is that my wanderlust hurts. It is painful beyond existence. For a major side effect of wanderlust is frustration; that vexation of not being able to quench that thirst of yours. For the billion or so reasons you can't travel (economic/family issues) just add to your blood pressure of wanting to get the hell out of the place you are currently stuck in.

And I'm not talking family sight-seeing sprees; I'm talking week long treks completely alone, just you and your camera, no package tour for you; just pure exploration. Going completely hipster here but you know what I mean- albums of highly filtered landmarks and coffee shops. Beautiful architecture and wonderful people. All this completely alone.

And even if you did have the chance to see wonderful places, it is never enough. For wanderlust is something that you can never quench; leaving you with this life-long feeling of dissatisfaction enough to drive any self-respecting person crazy.
I guess for now, London and Paris will have to wait.

Existential Crises

Notice the Plural. Crises. While normal people question their existence probably once or twice in their lifetime (See- "Mid-Life Crisis"), I seem to do this once a month.

The dictionary defines an Existential Crisis as "a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of his or her life: whether his or her life has any meaning, purpose or value."

That pretty much sums it up. The sudden moment in your life when bolt upright in your bed wide-eyed and ask yourself just what the Felix Felicis you are doing with your life. Whether your life would ever amount to anything, whether you are making your life count. This however has some dire consequences, one of which includes you wondering whether you should bother doing anything with your life at all since you are going to die eventually anyway.  You're left to ponder the pointlessness of your existence in a lonely corner of your room while all your friends are out partying on a Friday night. 

You are left pretty much looking like this

I shall introduce a new term at this point: "The Mini Crisis" *cue widespread thunder and lightning*. This is something I get approximately twice a week, specially after consulting with my tutor in studio, and once every hour after crit. This crisis is the kind you get when you are fine with most of your life, except your career goals, or your passions. You're perfectly ok with how you live, your friend circle, what you guys do to hang out; basically you're short term goals are sorted out. It's when you surface after a particularly bad bout of criticism that you start questioning details of your life. What am I doing? Why did I take this course? Why am I doing a degree if I dont like it? I wanted to do something else, why am I doing this?


 The people who tell you not to compare yourself with others are spouting utter Bolshevik. We bloody live in a system that FRICKIN GRADES YOU ON COMPARISON. NOT ON HOW WELL YOU ARE DOING INDIVIDUALLY, BUT HOW WELL YOU ARE DOING WITH RESPECT TO OTHERS. Then HOW IN THE NAME OF MERLIN'S SAGGY Y-FRONTS can you not compare yourself to other people? Literally everyone I know is doing an internship over the summer. Literally. Everyone. And I'm sitting here telling myself I'll learn skills over the summer to get me a really good job next year. WHY? Why does every single thing in this frickin system, society and otherwise make us feel like a piece of shit? 

Then there's that mini heart attack you get when you realise that you are no longer a child and the world dosen't just combine effortlessly to do your bidding. I once had a panic attack just lying on my bed and THINKING about all my future responsibilities. I then curled up under my blanket and cried for half an hour. Talk about denial. 

You know the worst thing? When you see people you know actually doing something useful. Just when you thought you were doing fine and BAM  you relapse into the curled up ball of mess you were when you were questioning your life.

Dragging yourself out of it is quite hard, but it is vital that you do. Because as much as you feel that the world has come to a stop so that you can get out of your little crisis, guess what, life goes on. You'll need to pull yourself together as fast as possible because if you dont,  you will get left behind. Don't let your career choice impede your passion. Do things that make you happy. If you can't, well, suck it up and move on.

Rant Over. Peace Out. 

Time Flies - 11th May 2014

It's been almost five months since my last post. Yikes! I haven't written at all this sem, and I'm disappointed in myself. The stories that fill my head can traverse volumes and volumes, yet my laziness keeps them in my mind. Oh, if only it was possible to imagine a world and it literally comes to life in front of you.
You know what else would be useful? Hermione's goddamn bag. Yes, that little bag which can fit billions of little infinities. I'm a bitter little thing at the moment as I just came out of the semi-annual moving spree. Moving out of my room every sem is the single most annoying thing that NUS can ever make anyone do and it just irks the crap out of  me. Oh my God, another sem has just travelled through my life without so much as a warning. So let's explore this semester shall we?

What did I do this semester?
Looking back at it now, I honestly don't remember working (sorry mum, but it's a fact). The past four months have been full of performances, outings, and shows.I finally survived enough to be backstage at a Bollywood show (which was a success every time I saw it; a show that thoroughly immortalized the thirteen or so songs they used in more ways than one). I also performed in my first ever Improv show; something I've been dying to do ever since I first saw "Whose Line is It Anyway?" on TV!

Speaking of performances, I seemed to be watching a lot this semester. Watched a couple of plays live (it's funny because it was my first time actually watching a show which wasn't produced in school), one of which was my all time favourite musical "My Fair Lady" in MBS!
Let's not forget NUS's best module ever, TS1101E; seriously guys, if you still dont know what to do about your Arts GEM, just take it. It leads you through the world of theatre on the basic level, and gives you the opportunity to hone your acting and performance skills. I rediscovered several passions in this module, and also had a lot of fun doing an Irish Accent and watching real plates get smashed on stage for our Practical

Final!
Oh on this half of  the year falls my Birthday Month: my wonderful gifts made up for my intense workload. Not to mention this video made by my friends which raises the bar for great birthday gifts to a whole new level.
I'll leave the best for last: TARANG. Every year, the Indians of three big universities in Singapore (In this case NUS, NTU and SIM) gather for a solid month of fun and games, competing for the prestigious (haha) TARANG Champions cup (sponsored by Moshi Moshi Bollywood :P )
Won first place with my amazing group in the Comedy Drama (wherein I played a badass- chappal- throwing- Bong- accented Mamta No-Darjee) and had the honour to watch the most talented people on stage with the Western and Indian Bands and the Dance. I look back at that experience now and don't regret a second of it. All those hours practising late into the night, the lost Tarang Weekend, and the after-party (not to mention the glorious friends I made) will forever be inscribed in my heart as one of my fondest memories.

In a nutshell, this semester has been a semester of ups and downs, same as always, except that the roller coaster ride was a fun one. Looking forward a summer of learning and new things. BRING IT ON THIRD YEAR! 

Of Cuts, Bruises and Open Wounds - 13th December 2013

Excuse the title, it is not as emo as you think.
So it is time once more for my biannual reflection on a semester fraught with  twists, turns and amazing moments too. I learnt a lot of life lessons which I would like to share with you.
 This one is going to be quite long, since a LOT has happened this sem, so I am going to put them under nice bold sub-headings for the ease of my readers.

So,let's begin!

1.Of Cuts

Well, the first major event of the semester was that I cut myself. No, I am not depressed, it was merely a work place accident. Having been functioning for about 4 hours a sleep a day, I was naturally tired when I decided to start work on my model due the next week.
All it took was a simple slip of hand with the new blade and I found myself bleeding all over my work. Two things crossed my mind that moment: 1- SAVE THE MODEL
                                                              2- Thank God it was my left finger. :P

Ah the thought processes of an overworked archi student. I hadn't realised the extent of my injury but I ran out didn't grab no shoes or nuthin'. (To those who didn't understand that reference, here.) It turned out it was worse than I thought, I had to literally pull a small piece of my left index finger out. (cue widespread cringing).

Even then it didn't occur to me to ask for help. I finally knocked on the door of my friend who was living on the same floor (the poor thing was completely baffled when she pulls open the door at 3am and I'm there asking her for Milo). One thing led to another and long story short, I ended up in the hospital, accompanied by three amazing seniors who were wondering why I wasn't making a bigger deal out of it ( I don't know what state of mind led me to joke about my bloody finger-" Who needs Game of Thrones when you have this?") .

After a long process of my finger being cleaned, wrapped and being made tetanus-free, it all culminated with the four of us having Ben and Jerry's chocolate ice cream in my kitchen at 5:30 am.
The lesson I learnt here at this point is that you can always rely on your friends. It gave me an amazing feeling (it also got me a tad emotional) to see my friends constantly worrying about whether I was alright or not for the next week. ( I also got a generous amount of scoldings ( "You Jackass") for not being careful.) I am truly lucky and grateful to be surrounded by the wonderful people I have around me today :)

2.Of Bruises 
Several little incidents to mention here. The good kind of bruises. Like the ones that stay with you after a strenuous game of well, any kind of sport. The ones here are mostly fandom -related and emotional.

A) Memorable Outings 
Whether it was a simple dinner outing (ok, not so simple as I was literally forced into a dress with strict instructions not to wear sneakers) or a visit to the National Geographic 50 Greatest Photographs exhibit, every little thing has a memory attached to it.

Endless walks to the 7-11 behind the hostel, come rain or haze or humidity, each walk with a different conversation, a different wish, a different dream, each one concluding with me finishing off 500ml of Magnolia Chocolate Milk (I have developed a rather unhealthy obsession with these, another cut on my finger may just result in me bleeding Chocolate milk) and feeling happy to be just surviving.

Also visited Universal Studios with my cousins! An amazing day to remember (pity the crazy awesome roller coaster wasn't working though)

B) Crazy moments 
Pillow Battles (nope, not small enough to be classified as fights) with cushions and bean bags in the lounge with a dozen people, a dance in the rain with your best friend , Pizza orders at 3am,Maggi in the microwave at the oddest times, constant practice of the Cups Song and the endless games of Heads Up!. Yup, just your average hostel day.

A note on Heads Up: This has got to be the most entertaining and addicting game I have ever come across. I would also like to say that my friends and I have become quite pro at it.

Ignoring the occasional slip-up ( Certain mentions of "Where's the Love Tonight" and "HellDog" come to mind :P ) we have reached the level of a minimum of 14 guesses per minute. If we went on this  game show, we would clean out their coffers.

C) Oh to Fangirling
My busy schedule prompted only two movie outings this semester, both highly anticipated and steeped in feels. The first was Thor 2, which mostly involved me sitting in the centre of a group of 5, fangirling constantly over both Thor and Loki. At one point I had to hold my friend's shoulder, breathless because I thought Loki was going to die.

Because Tom Hiddleston, that's why.

And of course, who could forget the build-up to The Hunger Games: Catching Fire! 18 months of constant waiting, intensive hyperventilating at 1 minute trailers (outside Exam Halls, I might add), days of wondering if they would do justice to the book did not go in vain. After watching The Hunger Games the previous night, a group of 6 of us went for the first show (despite it being Reading week). We shed tears, laughed and hyperventilated through it, fangirling intensively even after it was over. In this aspect, The Odds were certainly In Our Favour.


D) Cheers to Anal Critiques -.- 
Some of the best fun I've had this semester is with NUS Indian Dance. Don't worry, I don't dance, I merely make the posters and the programme booklet. Having finally learnt Photoshop to some degree over the summer, I spent fun days tweaking and re tweaking posters when they used to be set back with some minute change or another :P But still, it was all worth it in the end :)

E) Hell Yeah to Moral Support
This section is very important. If there is one thing you desperately need in college, it is moral support. With your family so far away and quite helpless, it is important that you have people around you who can keep you going. And I have a lot of that. Even if it meant staying up till 9am so that I could finish an assignment, or walking all the way from another block so that we could walk to 7-11 together, or putting up with my constant existential crises, I am really grateful to my extended family here in Singapore :)

F) Quizzing is ruining my life 
I have always mentioned this, that NUS has a knack of making you feel like shit about things you thought you were good at. The Quizzing page on Facebook, although teaching me loads, made me have
mini existential crises every time I couldn't answer a question I should have known (like a bunch of
Harry Potter and Doctor Who questions I couldn't answer) .
It also created an unfortunate addiction during my exam period, as my good friend pointed out ironically, " Our thirst for knowledge is preventing us from studying." :P
It is an amazing page however, and I shall be forever addicted to it. Like I said, ruining my life, but in a good way.

G) While Improv is Improving it. (:P) 
 One of the best things which has happened to me this semester is the fact that I joined Improv.

For those of you who are not sure what it is, it is basically improvised comedy, wherein the performers make up on the spot scenes and situations meant to be funny. Like the show Whose Line is it anyway?.  It is the most fun I've ever had and my group is just brilliant. Besides, Hoedowns are awesome.






3. Of Open Wounds

This semester was the time we lost someone close to us.  This was a wound which cannot be closed, for any of us. And despite several sleepless nights hoping for a Sherlock-esque return in a dramatic fashion, I know that my life wasn't directed by Steven Moffat and my wounds will still be open.

At this point I want to express how proud I am of the people around me and how beautifully we handled it all. We are a strong lot, and I pray we continue to be that way.
This incident made me realise just how transient everything around me is.  The things we so take for granted may not be around everyday. Appreciate them while you can people. Spend more time with the people you love, do the things you want to do, because it may not be always there, in the end.


That sums up my semester. Sorry for the lengthy post but you know how I like to talk :P It is funny how I haven't written a thing about my work, but I think my previous reflections will still apply for this semester.
I hope everyone is having an amazing winter break :D
Love you peeps.

Spaces that speak volumes- Why I love museums

Call me crazy or unconventional, but I find a museum one of the most romantic places on earth. It is a simple space, at one point so empty, which speaks volumes once it is filled.

An architect who designs museums is incredibly powerful. Imagine, an empty room. Now, imagine it slowly filling up with meaning. Pictures, words, lights, paths. The architect controls where the people go. The circulation is uni-directional, and the architect has full power over it.

Museums literally tell stories. Every room, every wall, every corner has a story. It houses within in centuries' worth of tales, all waiting to be discovered by eager, enthusiastic minds. It gives you the tale of a young girl in Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, in the Middle Ages, during the World Wars. It reflects onto you your own life, in different ways. This is why I find their hallowed halls so intriguing.

I had the greatest fortune to attend the "National Geographic 50 greatest photographs" exhibition which
is taking place in the ArtScience Museum at MBS right now. ( Its only there till next weekends so grab your tickets soon!) A must see, no excuses. Best 13 dollars I ever spent!
I was blown away. Bedazzled, Awestruck, Breath-taken, agog, agape, astounded, to say the least. The exhibition did not feature the most famous photographs (there were the more obvious ones of course, like the Afghan girl) but featured a collection of the best photographs ever taken. An ambiance which beautifully reflected the mood of the place, had a way of affecting yours too.

The first thing that greeted us was a photo of a lion. Not just any lion, but an alpha lion. This photo featured the king of the jungle, plunging its jaw into the neck of another, all whilst staring directly into your soul. Its eyes bored into you, as if to search inside you for your greatest weakness, while giving you the "You're next" glare.

As you turn through a series of hallways, you encounter several different photos, taken at different times and featuring different lifestyles. Each photo had a background narrative. The circumstances leading up to the capture of the still are as beautiful as the photo itself.

Just as you start feeling complacent about this place, you see from the corner of your eye, one of the most powerful photos ever to be featured in the realm of human existence - The beautiful Afghan girl with the breathtaking eyes.  The genius of the placement  of this photo is that it is kept on a wall facing away from the general circulation path- but it is made visible by the placement of a mirror. So people notice the photo, and immediately gravitate towards it, only to realise that what they saw initially was merely a reflection.
She was placed with her older self; so we can reflect of the regality of her beauty, and how age and suffering have changed her. The timely placing of a seat induces one to just sit there and admire her for a period of time.

Another thing worth mentioning was something which shook me quite deeply. A section named "Disconnecting from the planet" consisted of a circular space, lined with mirrors and lit by red lights. On three strategic locations was a photo of burning oil wells ( notably, the Ahmadi oil wells in Kuwait) with silhouettes of camels in the foreground.  It was so disorienting, so confusing, and so beautiful.

This was followed immediately by a section which made you lose faith in humanity. Mutilated birds, trapped sharks and dead gorillas. A section so heart-wrenching that you feel for the world in more ways than one.

I could go on and on, but for fear of losing my readers, I shall end here. The exhibition concluded with a beautiful photograph of Jane Goodall (captioned "Reconnecting with the planet") , a way of saying that maybe, just maybe, there is hope in this world after all.

I want to disappear

All I want in this world is to disappear. Travel the world in a backpack and a hoodie, hood pulled low over my eyes to hide the agony, music in my ears.  Merge into the background, blend into the rain.
Get lost in vast bookstores, seek pain within the lusty pages, hear the crackle of the paper as the storm thunders outside.


Why do we so actively seek pain in our lives? Cry over the death of a fictional character, fray our nerves on suspense and cheesy romance, wishing that all these things happen to us in reality. Why is the world we find hidden within printer ink so seductive that we just hope that if we keep it close enough to our noses we might just fall through?
Reality bites.
All I want to do is to hitchhike around America. Sit at a cafe in Paris. Throw boomerangs in Australia.  Be a constant presence in random stranger's vacation photos, the lone hooded figure in the background.

But the world was not built on the whims and fancies of a lonely teenage girl .

I will have to continue. Scars fade, wounds heal, and the world dosent stop for anybody. All one can do is to get lost in their subconsciousness and drink away the pain. 

So, What did you do this summer?

The long summer is at an end.. and I cant say Winter is coming mostly because Singapore has no concept of seasons.
Ah summer, that time of year wherein you have no work and no concept of the time of day, when deadlines dont matter and all you can think about is Food.
So what did I do this summer worth mentioning?

1.Caught up on some sleep

I can speak for any college student when I say that a good night's sleep is about as common as finding

an alive person on Game of Thrones. And I needed to catch up and stock up on my sleep bank to accomplish anything worthwhile next semester.
So happy days of sleeping at 11 and waking up at 12, (much to the chagrin of anyone in the house) and catching a catnap or two in the afternoon hours when the house is quiet.

Speaking of which...

2.CATS


I have been inhaling cats all summer. Not only am I drooling over the little critters over the internet, I have been host to a family of 7 on my aunts front porch.  ( ok not a family, but its still quite a number- I smell Von Trapp involvement, maybe I should teach them to sing.)

A mummy cat (which my aunt named Kuch) gave birth to three adorable kittens(named- Dr.Sir
Brownie Jr. IV, Kit Kat and Vijayam ( we named the littlest one after my granny-much to her reproach- as a joke, but the name sort of stuck.)) , plus there is a drunk uncle cat who shows up randomly for food( named Brownie) , a scary demented male cat whose meows sound like hes being run over (Bob Cat) and a GORGEOUS black female cat who looks like a cat version of Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon ( whom we very non racist-like named Oprah- well she was pregnant and we were expecting free kittens ("You get a Kitten! You get a kitten! All of you get kittens!") But they didnt show
:( ).

So my day kinda revolves around feeding them, staring creepily at them and resisting the urge to pack them in my suitcase.

3. Became a little less illiterate in terms of Software

I finally learnt two things I ve been embarrassingly illiterate at- Photoshop and Google Sketchup. Although Im still iffy at making anything great, its a lot of fun playing around with them.
With my new Wacom I absolutely adored colouring all my sketches on Ps.

4. While on the subject, I completely ignored my subject

I spent every single day sketching- I finally understood how to draw humans properly and just had a whale of a time using my creativity to its fullest. Like a good friend of mine says- I absolutely thrive on boredom!

5. I finally watched some movies.

Drumroll please!  I think my seniors should be quite proud of me by now.Having admitted (like a fool) that I hadnt watched The Dark Knight and then getting burnt on the stake on charges of Heresy, I caught up on some movies that I should have seen ages ago.





6.Went on a long road trip around Karnataka.. and got lost. 

When my dad finally landed into Bangalore, We piled ourselves into a car and when on an extensive road trip, visiting most of Northern Karnataka like Bellary ( where my mum did Junior College, so it

was really kinda cool visiting her school and sitting on the bench she sat on and visiting her old home, bit of a nostalgic roller coaster for my mum too.) , Hospet, Hampi, and Badami.
There was a lot to see for the Historic Architecture enthusiast. The bit which really got me going was Badami because they had caves cut out from the side of a hill and the workmanship inside was really astounding and awe-inspiring. I find it ironic that we in this day, with modern tools and thinking, cannot reproduce such similar splendor.

Well, as one would expect in a long road trip, we ended up lost in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. I guess I need to thank my cousins GPS for getting us home in one piece, although if Google Maps could express an opinion, she would have scoffed at our stupidity. It was an amazing experience though, and I highly recommend getting hopelessly lost atleast once in your life.

7. I fangirled.. A lot.

Introducing me to a new fandom is never a good idea. I never just like or dislike something. I either

absolutely HATE IT TO THE POINT OF UTTER DISGUST (*cough cough* Twilight *cough cough*) or  I LOVE IT TO THE POINT OF UTTER DESPAIR.
And obviously I got hooked to Game of Thrones. It isnt really the best fandom to get initiated into especially if you have had a history of major misery with respect to fictional deaths.
Not to mention my already excruciating wait for Sherlock Season 3, Catching Fire and a bunch of other stuff too long to mention. This led to a virtually depressing summer.. in an awesome way.

8.I broke all sorts of records in the laziness department

Really. I was a combination of Snorlax and Kumbakaran all summer. Lying down and staring at my
ceiling pretty much made up my day.






9. I felt extremely accomplished in the littlest of ways

I kept daily goals and projects for myself, and felt pleased when I did them. Even if it was a sketch a day,  a few comic strips,  learning the Cups song from Pitch Perfect or perfecting a Brit accent, these little things really helped me feel good about myself in the end.

10. Ranted a lot about Tamil serials 

   I learnt a fair amount of  (not so good) Tamil phrases too.

and finally 11. Troubled my family to no end! 

My poor mummy. I really do love being pampered.

Now that my holidays are at an end, I have recouped and re energized myself for a long semester ahead, and I will excel in my own way!

Good luck for the new year guys! 

The Woes of a forced Tamil Serial Watcher

I couldnt resist the temptation to write this. Although discretion is advised lest I should be brutally

chastised by my poor grandmother whose only source of entertainment seems to be these atrocities.


There are several bones I have to pick with the people who produce these serials.

1.Firstly, the major lack of budget these people seem to have. Seriously, I ve seen amateur videos on
YouTube with better quality video and editing than the scenes you see here. Its like they have just discovered the software and some old man drunk on caffeine decided to take the reins and try every single feature possible, stuffing it into a single sequence.

2.Two, They couldnt afford boom mikes, hence they decide to dub the dialogues. Why does it not surprise me that they pick the most annoying, high pitched squealers whose voices go directly through your brain and crack your skull?

3.Three, the acting is terrible. barring like, 2 people in all the serials my folks watch (about 6 in one day :P ) they just refuse to show any reaction to anything. And is it a rule to never face the person when one speaks? Just try it, it is insanely uncomfortable, turning your back to a person while talking to them.

4.Then there is this , almost obligation to show everyone's reaction whenever something overly dramatic happens (which is pretty much always)
And the camera dosent even switch, they just pan over to each person's face, and make sure they get every single person's (about 10 people in the shot mind, you) reaction, which would range from absolutely scandalized to completely nonchalant (like seriously, there would be one guy who is just picking his nose in the scene ).

5.Then there is the terrible background music, long drawn out and extremely LOUD. Some random singing at a random scene accompanied by extremely overdone drums.

6.THE CRYING. It would pretty much sum up these serials. Slaps, tears , constipated faces and more tears.

7. No one really dies. People dying makes it interesting dont you think? ( *cough cough* Game of thrones *cough cough*) . If they do, its usually accompanied extremely loud and incredibly drawn out crying  sequences  which last atleast a week and feature extremely distraught random people who cant act for peanuts. Several suicide attempts occur though, all extremely uncreative, usually featuring a young woman whose marriage (arranged, in case you're wondering) got cancelled, downing a bottle of poison.
One particular scene springs to mind wherein a young lady, having just discovered the brutal truth about her fiance, decides to commit suicide.
So, she runs dramatically to her room and bolts the door, and starts searching frantically in her bedside drawers. Firstly, which house has completely empty night stand drawers?
After opening a few empty drawers, she opens a drawer containing only a bottle clearly labelled POISON which she downs in one go. The circumstances leading to that were as convenient as if one was to find a fully cooked four course dinner in a Masterchef Drawer. Honestly, do they even have script writers?

8. Next is the almost blatant use of stereotypes. The young, saree clad woman with hair neatly pinned and flowered who decides to stay home and look after family? yup she is definitely a good person.
The modern woman in jeans? stay away from her shes the serial's villain.
Also the fact that each serial involves an annoying police inspector and an arranged marriage gone wrong seems quite tiring to the watchers.


I have several more rants but that seems quite sufficient dont you think? It may seem quite hypocritical to be writing so much about a show I so obviously condemn, but it is pure entertainment to watch such bad television. I m sticking to Sherlock and Game of Thrones, people.

Oh nothing much, Just a write-up on Villains.

My topics do get stranger and stranger, but I ve been meaning to write this for a while.
Let's get straight to the basics:
Just what is a villain anyway?
Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines a villain as "A cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime;who constitutes an important evil agency in the plot." 

My definition of a villain is an individual who from the reader's point of view , is counter-active to the mission of the plot.
Although, if not by definition, but by thought process, I wouldnt classify the Lannisters (A Song of Ice and Fire) as villains per se, would you?

Fine, that has been taken care of.
I ve been reading up, and I stumbled across the AFI List of 100 greatest villains. It got me thinking. What makes a great villain? Why makes a great villain? ( Oh you know what I mean)

How do you go about becoming one? and how do you kill them?

Firstly, Why? No one is born evil, they have to embrace it.
The largest cause is generally childhood trauma. A burning Vendetta, perhaps?
Then there is greed. Greed transforms people into crazed maniacs. 

What makes a great villain?
A great villain is one who can instill great fear into an individual , but at the same time can be admired by a large portion of the human population.

I dont want to go into major details, merely stating a few observations I have made.

Go through the classifications I ve made below.. Can you classify all the villains you know into these? 

I would say by experience, Villains can be broadly (very broadly, you see, villains are mysterious creatures) classified into three:

1. The Skilled Leader

I would say the most common form of villain: It generally consists of a single individual, who, by virtue of their own abilities ( As they are generally skilled in some form of combat, making

them formidable in themselves, or are just very persuasive) have managed to collect a large number of followers , brainwashed ( or threatened) to join their cause.

Motives: Generally a kingdom, Power, or immortality. This of course, gives these villains a weakness wherein they are afraid for their own lives. They are willing to throw their followers into the fire if it means that their own lives be spared, and seldom like to get their hands dirty. You can guess that makes them quite unpopular. These villains are also weakened by the fact that they usually need their followers to make a dent in the world, but can also take you down in a battle quite easily if they have to. 

Major examples include: Lord Voldemort( Harry Potter), The White Witch (The Chronicles of Narnia) , Dr.Facilier (The Princess and the frog) , Scar (The Lion King) , Pitch (Rise of the Guardians)

And to a certain extent, Loki (Thor).

2. The Mercenary 

This kind of villain is generally focussed on a single goal, and would do anything to achieve it.    

They generally avoid followers, mostly because they would like to do everything on their own, but if an ally brings them closer to the thing they want, they will accept help. 

They are scary because they usually dont let anything get in their way. One-on-one combat can generally prove fatal as well, as they are quite skilled adversaries. 

They usually arent very smart, but there are many exceptions to this rule. 

I have noticed that female villains tend to dominate this category, nothing is more dangerous than a woman on a mission wouldn't you say? 

Motives: Generally, a single, burning passion: Eternal beauty, death of their enemy, the last pizza slice. 

Major examples include: The Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves), Mother Gothel (Tangled) , Ursula (The Little Mermaid), Bane (Batman series), Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) , Bowser(?)(Mario) , Darth Vader (Star Wars) , Khan Noonien Singh (Star Trek). 

3. The Psychopath

These are, in my opinion, the most dangerous kind of villains, and also the best liked. These are men (and women) who just do not care what the outcome of their carnage is, or whether it works at all. They dont care if the attempt kills them, as long as they get their job done.
This makes them especially formidable because they dont fear for their lives, and hence would go to extreme lengths to get it done. They may not be very skilled in combat, in fact may have little or no fighting skills.Their weapon is their extreme intelligence, and their sly talking skills.

 But they are feared the most just because there is just no reasoning with them, no bargains, no blackmail. They dont really care for their followers either. Its all part of the fun. 

Motives: Its fun. They are bored, you see, or merely hungry. Anything to make life interesting.

Major examples include: The Joker (Batman series), Jim Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes- I see this more in the BBC version) and of course, Hannibal Lector ( Silence of the Lambs )  

I would classify Loki in here too, but partly. 

I obviously couldn't include all the villains I know, that would just take a bit too long.

Villains are important, they give the protagonist a purpose in our stories, and most protagonists feel incomplete without the good old fashioned villain dont they?
Take the case of Perry and Doofenshmirtz.
But you mustn't judge them too hard, after all,

Villains are people too.