The previous weekend involved me attending a wedding in Chennai and coming out of it more or less unscathed. Thankfully this wedding did not bleed an array of different colours and at no time did I feel threatened or did "Rains of Castamere" play, so I heave a large sigh of relief.
One does wonder what kind of rituals require a wedding to extend over period of five days when most of the other cultures finish it in two. It begins with an "engagement" of sorts, although the couple have more or less been engaged for six months or so, leads into a main wedding day with the actual process of being "wed" followed by a reception in the evening. The next day is also fraught with rituals one never understands because no one ever had the habit of questioning anything in their youth.
1.Entertainment through observation (and a failed proposal)
Since I had mostly no company the whole time, my day was spent either reading, or watching people; the old women sitting in circles and gossiping about one family member or another, old men discussing the latest sports news (it's not a stereotype, I was listening) , young kids running around screaming and knocking over chairs and making you want to drown them in the sambhar, and youngish girls checking out youngish guys, hoping they aren't too closely related by blood. (I am guilty of this :P having oggled a guy I thought was about my age before finding out he was 28 and in want of a wife o.o)
Funny Story: The mum of the same dude I was checking out realised that my mum is very beautiful; in a desperate hope that her daughter looked like her (sorry to disappoint you, woman -.-) asked my grandmother to marry me to her son; then having actually seen me in person, decided I was a child (having glanced at my face and chest, no doubt, assuming I was about 13 years old) and profusely apologized for the confusion.
Note to Readers: For those of you not from the Southern regions of India, I should inform you that arranged marriages are still very much rampant. And family weddings are the perfect spot for old ladies with children of marriageable age to prowl; waiting to pounce on some poor unsuspecting bachelor with talons holding out wedding proposals. Which probably explains my growing social anxiety for family gatherings.
2.The Process of Eating.
The process of providing the food is large ordeal; not only for the hosts, but frankly for the guests as well. Don't get me wrong, the food is beyond amazing, and usually the prime incentive for most of the guests' attendance. Except that the food comes in a specific order on a banana leaf which leaves no friction for the eater to consume his food in any normal manner; specially since the sweet payasam (kheer) is served first directly on the leaf and the first five minutes consists of everyone trying to somehow lick it off their fingers. If not successfully cleaned, the sweet eventually runs into all the subsequent courses and generally creates a huge mess. Then there's your fellow eaters (?); generally consisting of charming sights like large dark males licking their entire hand as curd runs down their fingertips; also large dark females making large slurping noises as they throw rice into their mouths.
If this wasn't distracting enough, the videographers ambush you with their large cameras with glaring lights; leaving you stranded like a deer in the headlights with food hovering halfway to your mouth; whilst the servers keep piling more onto your leaf. For there is one fact never disputed; There is absolutely NO METHOD to eat South Indian food glamorously.
3.Ritualistic Torment
Feeling terribly sorry for the actual couple itself was something I was constantly doing for those three days. Donned in the heaviest of silks and flowery garlands that generally weigh a ton, they are forced to sit for hours in front of a flame which constantly blows smoke in their eyes. When the knot is finally tied (We South Indians love to take things literally; in this case a necklace called a thaali is tied around the bride by the groom) they zoom into the terrified faces of the happy couple and you just know they are thinking about the subsequent consummation (as are the entire freakin auditorium). The reception is the time to put the couples on display; hours of meeting, greeting and photographing as the couple get more and more exhausted and its written so clearly on their faces that they regret inviting so many. The next morning has rituals as well; the couple show up at the temple again, and whoever is there needs to dissolve sprouts in a bucket; symbolizing fertility and germination and the prospect of a growing family (yay more people to invite in the future). Not to mention the fact that these rituals happen at ungodly hours, prompting a wake up call at 4 am.
Overall I had a lot of fun. Fairly obvious. This blog post is merely an expression for my disdain for the pointless rituals that concern Indian weddings, rather than this particular wedding itself. Also a proof that I am still alive.
Valar Morghulis.
One does wonder what kind of rituals require a wedding to extend over period of five days when most of the other cultures finish it in two. It begins with an "engagement" of sorts, although the couple have more or less been engaged for six months or so, leads into a main wedding day with the actual process of being "wed" followed by a reception in the evening. The next day is also fraught with rituals one never understands because no one ever had the habit of questioning anything in their youth.
1.Entertainment through observation (and a failed proposal)
Since I had mostly no company the whole time, my day was spent either reading, or watching people; the old women sitting in circles and gossiping about one family member or another, old men discussing the latest sports news (it's not a stereotype, I was listening) , young kids running around screaming and knocking over chairs and making you want to drown them in the sambhar, and youngish girls checking out youngish guys, hoping they aren't too closely related by blood. (I am guilty of this :P having oggled a guy I thought was about my age before finding out he was 28 and in want of a wife o.o)
Funny Story: The mum of the same dude I was checking out realised that my mum is very beautiful; in a desperate hope that her daughter looked like her (sorry to disappoint you, woman -.-) asked my grandmother to marry me to her son; then having actually seen me in person, decided I was a child (having glanced at my face and chest, no doubt, assuming I was about 13 years old) and profusely apologized for the confusion.
Note to Readers: For those of you not from the Southern regions of India, I should inform you that arranged marriages are still very much rampant. And family weddings are the perfect spot for old ladies with children of marriageable age to prowl; waiting to pounce on some poor unsuspecting bachelor with talons holding out wedding proposals. Which probably explains my growing social anxiety for family gatherings.
2.The Process of Eating.
The process of providing the food is large ordeal; not only for the hosts, but frankly for the guests as well. Don't get me wrong, the food is beyond amazing, and usually the prime incentive for most of the guests' attendance. Except that the food comes in a specific order on a banana leaf which leaves no friction for the eater to consume his food in any normal manner; specially since the sweet payasam (kheer) is served first directly on the leaf and the first five minutes consists of everyone trying to somehow lick it off their fingers. If not successfully cleaned, the sweet eventually runs into all the subsequent courses and generally creates a huge mess. Then there's your fellow eaters (?); generally consisting of charming sights like large dark males licking their entire hand as curd runs down their fingertips; also large dark females making large slurping noises as they throw rice into their mouths.
If this wasn't distracting enough, the videographers ambush you with their large cameras with glaring lights; leaving you stranded like a deer in the headlights with food hovering halfway to your mouth; whilst the servers keep piling more onto your leaf. For there is one fact never disputed; There is absolutely NO METHOD to eat South Indian food glamorously.
3.Ritualistic Torment
Feeling terribly sorry for the actual couple itself was something I was constantly doing for those three days. Donned in the heaviest of silks and flowery garlands that generally weigh a ton, they are forced to sit for hours in front of a flame which constantly blows smoke in their eyes. When the knot is finally tied (We South Indians love to take things literally; in this case a necklace called a thaali is tied around the bride by the groom) they zoom into the terrified faces of the happy couple and you just know they are thinking about the subsequent consummation (as are the entire freakin auditorium). The reception is the time to put the couples on display; hours of meeting, greeting and photographing as the couple get more and more exhausted and its written so clearly on their faces that they regret inviting so many. The next morning has rituals as well; the couple show up at the temple again, and whoever is there needs to dissolve sprouts in a bucket; symbolizing fertility and germination and the prospect of a growing family (yay more people to invite in the future). Not to mention the fact that these rituals happen at ungodly hours, prompting a wake up call at 4 am.
Overall I had a lot of fun. Fairly obvious. This blog post is merely an expression for my disdain for the pointless rituals that concern Indian weddings, rather than this particular wedding itself. Also a proof that I am still alive.
Valar Morghulis.
