Existential Crises

Notice the Plural. Crises. While normal people question their existence probably once or twice in their lifetime (See- "Mid-Life Crisis"), I seem to do this once a month.

The dictionary defines an Existential Crisis as "a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of his or her life: whether his or her life has any meaning, purpose or value."

That pretty much sums it up. The sudden moment in your life when bolt upright in your bed wide-eyed and ask yourself just what the Felix Felicis you are doing with your life. Whether your life would ever amount to anything, whether you are making your life count. This however has some dire consequences, one of which includes you wondering whether you should bother doing anything with your life at all since you are going to die eventually anyway.  You're left to ponder the pointlessness of your existence in a lonely corner of your room while all your friends are out partying on a Friday night. 

You are left pretty much looking like this

I shall introduce a new term at this point: "The Mini Crisis" *cue widespread thunder and lightning*. This is something I get approximately twice a week, specially after consulting with my tutor in studio, and once every hour after crit. This crisis is the kind you get when you are fine with most of your life, except your career goals, or your passions. You're perfectly ok with how you live, your friend circle, what you guys do to hang out; basically you're short term goals are sorted out. It's when you surface after a particularly bad bout of criticism that you start questioning details of your life. What am I doing? Why did I take this course? Why am I doing a degree if I dont like it? I wanted to do something else, why am I doing this?


 The people who tell you not to compare yourself with others are spouting utter Bolshevik. We bloody live in a system that FRICKIN GRADES YOU ON COMPARISON. NOT ON HOW WELL YOU ARE DOING INDIVIDUALLY, BUT HOW WELL YOU ARE DOING WITH RESPECT TO OTHERS. Then HOW IN THE NAME OF MERLIN'S SAGGY Y-FRONTS can you not compare yourself to other people? Literally everyone I know is doing an internship over the summer. Literally. Everyone. And I'm sitting here telling myself I'll learn skills over the summer to get me a really good job next year. WHY? Why does every single thing in this frickin system, society and otherwise make us feel like a piece of shit? 

Then there's that mini heart attack you get when you realise that you are no longer a child and the world dosen't just combine effortlessly to do your bidding. I once had a panic attack just lying on my bed and THINKING about all my future responsibilities. I then curled up under my blanket and cried for half an hour. Talk about denial. 

You know the worst thing? When you see people you know actually doing something useful. Just when you thought you were doing fine and BAM  you relapse into the curled up ball of mess you were when you were questioning your life.

Dragging yourself out of it is quite hard, but it is vital that you do. Because as much as you feel that the world has come to a stop so that you can get out of your little crisis, guess what, life goes on. You'll need to pull yourself together as fast as possible because if you dont,  you will get left behind. Don't let your career choice impede your passion. Do things that make you happy. If you can't, well, suck it up and move on.

Rant Over. Peace Out.